Our Little One
Everything happens for a reason. Timing is everything.
There was a short 5 weeks left to plan everything. Just having signed a lease to a new place that had an extra bedroom to build a nursery in, we were just starting to get everything together. A short 5 weeks, I would tell myself. 5 weeks can go by so fast.
I wasn’t prepared to deliver 5 weeks early due to severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome that developed what seemed like overnight. My baby wanted out and my body was tired of playing host. The doctors kept saying that if I was induced it would give my family time to get to the hospital from Texas to be with me, and I needed them to be there. With my platelet count and blood pressure out of control, my condition went from starting the process of induction to emergency c-section the next morning. I will never forget the kindness of friends and family, Justin always at my side, and the relief I felt when I saw my dad’s face after getting on a midnight flight to be with me. Timing is everything.
With little time to process everything, it wasn’t long before I heard our little one cry, a cry that made both Justin and I also cry. She was here, a tiny 3 lb. girl ready to meet the world and hungry as hell. Her days in the NICU were shorter than expected and we were able to bring her home sooner than we thought. With family as overwhelming help and support, we were ready to welcome our little one to an actual home and not a hot mess filled with unpacked boxes that would’ve surely been the case if it wasn’t for them.
As I stare at her tiny face, body swaddled all nice and cozy and wearing the same little hat she got at the hospital because it’s the only one that fits her, I still can’t believe that she’s mine. That I made her. That she grew into a tiny human inside me. I get teary-eyed just looking at her, wanting to hold her in my favorite position of her head on my chest while I kiss her tiny head.
It’s tough to stay present in the moment when you have your mind wrapped up in feeding times, pumping, diaper changes, formula-making, breastfeeding, sleep and how-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-this-on-my-own fears, but I am constantly reminding myself to enjoy the sweet moments. I can already see her getting bigger and bigger everyday and pretty soon she won’t be able to take a nap on my chest anymore.
They say it’s different when you have a baby. That when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time your world is forever changed. That being a mom changes you in ways you never thought was possible. I can say right now, with my hormones and emotions off the charts, that I am the luckiest woman in the world that our little Olivia chose me to be her mommy, her advocate and her protector. After all we’ve been through, I can’t let her down.
Everything happens for a reason. Timing is everything.
