Family & Motherhood

baby thoughts: fear of the unknown

I’m halfway through this pregnancy, which means that in 4.5 months we’ll be welcoming a little boy into our family.

At first, the fear of the unknown set in hard. Not knowing what I was going to do with a boy, how my relationship with my little one will develop, and how I was going to handle the moving parts of a family of four were overwhelming. I think about those moments when days flow so gracefully when it’s just her and I. Then I think about how that same day would be while also having a newborn. And fear sets in.

As the predicted due date approaches faster and faster, the logistics of bringing another baby have gone from anxiety, to a go-with-the-flow system, back to an anxiety, and round and round we go. Those same thoughts are softened by the support of family and friends, but most of all, the assurance that Justin and I are a true team. Although our little one was a pretty easy baby, the way Justin and I handled being parents of a newborn really impressed me. We worked together, never undermining the other and going with the flow to see what worked and when. It makes such a difference when you’re also struggling with sleep deprivation and trying to keep the human that you’ve made stay alive.

All those things aside, the fear of the unknown is a difficult pill to swallow, and one that I personally struggle with through life. It’s always better to know whether a situation will work out when you know the outcome, but the “wait and see” approach is tough, man. What if it’s harder than I thought? What if I could’ve done something differently? What if, what if, what if. It can be so mind consuming. A surprise pregnancy, different gender, impact of the first born and logistics of space are all unknowns. But in all this I keep going back to two sayings that calm me down:

“God will never give you something you can’t handle”

“People have done this exact thing FOR YEARS”

I guess I’m officially welcomed to the club.